...and I can tell you that the last week or so have been that.
We have been poorly here Under Rainbows, again. Rebe was off school for another week, some awful virus; high temperatures, a little vomiting, lots of tiredness, coughs and snottery noses, Joa got it and now Benny has it.
But also, and much worse we had a horrible and disturbing incident with Andy last week. An incident that frightened and disturbed us and made me loose my trust in his getting hold of his mental health. I won't go into the details any more, but I just wanted to share with you two things that helped us get through this week.
One was an idea gifted to me by a friend. I had to make some very hard decisions, and these decisions required clear headed thinking, lots of phone calls to various agencies and supports, lots of talking it through. I made my decisions though, it took me a good few days, but I did it. As soon as I did I started to feel anxious, was I right, did I need to re-think? But my dear, sweet friend coached me through and said, You have already made the decision, allow yourself to believe in the choices you made. You made them after thought and research and with good hopes and compassion for everyone.
She gave me the idea of making this a physical act, so on her suggestion, I gathered some pebbles from the beach. I now have a small heap of them on the window sill. Whenever I go through this process and make a decision, that is good and sound I will move a pebble from the heap into the basket. There, job done. I trust in myself and believe in myself and I can go on now, move forwards and deal with whatever the consequences of my choices are.
The second tool I want to share with you I found in my mothering soul.
Benny needed me, he asked could it be
just me and him. Of course it couldn't be just me and him, there is Rebe and Joa too, and no matter how much we might want a little space together I couldn't give him what he needed right then and there... but I could.
I sat him on my knee and with my hands I drew and invisible bubble around us. I told him that only him and I were in this bubble. Even if Joa was sitting right there next to us on the bed we were completely alone in this bubble.
It could look however we wanted it to. So with a swish of my hand I tinted our bubble green. I covered the walls with sparkles and glow-in-the-dark stars.
I told him how this bubble was magic and could stretch. It could stretch from one room to another, from one house to another, from one village to another, even to the moon and back and it would not break and we, Benny and I, would still be in our own private bubble.
I also told him how strong it was. In fact it is the strongest thing in the world. The sharpest point can't pierce it, the heaviest rock can't crush it, guns can't blast holes in it. It is indestructible. There is a door though, with a key hole and the only key's that fit are our very own fingers. 'But what if a baddie get's in and puts a bomb inside it?' he asked me anxiously. 'That's ok' I replied and sat him on my knee again and showed him how we could just draw another one around us.
The following morning after Benny had a very sweet and sound sleep within our bubble we told Rebe about it and I showed them in the simple drawing above how I could be alone with each of them all at the same time. Mother's magic is great like that!
So life is limping on for us, changes and nose wiping, a sprinkling of snow, appointments and school, but I have found my camera in my hands in the past few days. I am noticing our lives again instead of just getting through them.
We've been doing a little crafting. Benny stitched himself a baby armadillo
and we made a sling so his daddy armadillo 'Sandy' could carry his baby.
I hope that these two little tips are helpful to you and I would love to hear any of your own. All coping mechanisms welcome :-)
