Saturday, February 9, 2013

breathe out with me

I feel like the last week or so has been a big, long sighing out-breath for me. The previous 3 weeks had been very taxing and had taken me mentally and emotionally away from myself and my center. I had literally been holding my breath for weeks on end, having to make really conscious efforts to properly fill my lungs with air.  In fact I was holding on so hard that my body became twisted and painful and I couldn't turn my head for 11 days.
But I was supported by wonderful people around me near and far, who helped me to gently let go and find my center again. My friend who is a wonderful osteopath treated me and showed me it was ok to crumble and I allowed myself to crumble into the arms of my best friend who had come to stay with her delightful, gorgeous wee son. 
 Then another friend of mine and I made a pact together to do one thing each day, just for ourselves. Whatever it is should be nourishing to the heart, body or soul. It could be a good cup of coffee, a long, hot bath, dancing to your favourite song, yoga, whatever as long as it's soul food. At the end of each day we text each other to recount what we did. It's going well so far and I am really enjoying giving myself something special in each day (is this a gift you could give yourself?)

one of 3 rainbows that all appeared at the same time outside my house
 The other gift I was given this week was from my wonderful and very special counselor  We were doing an exercise when I was standing on the floor, grounded and routed in my own strength and she asked me to put my hands on my back and feel who was behind me supporting me there. So many faces swam before my eyes (and indeed some people whose faces I have never seen in real life). My counselor asked me to breath in and when I breathed out to imagine all those people breathing out with me.
 Breath is something that connects us all, no matter where we are or what we are doing. I can breathe out with friends on the other side of the world, I can breathe out with friends who are sleeping right now, in pain, in love. I breathe out and connect with those who give me strength and I am so grateful. We are all breathing out and in thinking about this I have never felt so connected to people, the world.
Breathe out with me. Right now. In this moment. We are all doing it together :-)
So I am re-claiming my life again, not being so consumed with the separation, not waiting for it all to be over for my life to begin again. I am allowing myself back into me and the kids are coming along, very happily dancing back to this place, here under rainbows.

Jack, the worlds most tolerant and resigned stray tom

 Rebe made this brilliant sea turtle last week. She was given a reading book about turtles at school and was totally taken by them. This is the kind of 'after-schooling' that I relish. Finding something that interests them and running with it and supporting and supplementing the learning that she does at school. We found this great film on youtube and watched it a few times and we also found another book in the library which is being devoured.
 Benny has been building a lot. I have a plan to make a mini building site in an area of garden with some sand and planks and bricks. The day after I mentioned this at playgroup one of the mums turned up at the school gate with a load of re-claimed bricks for us and more if we want them...yes please.
 Benny donned his builders gloves and hat and set to work straight away
 hours of fun
 a tiny mouse in a matchbox bed Rebe and I made for a school friend's birthday today
she even has a tiny bear

 glass painting
 guess who this belongs to?
 a wonderful felt purse Rebe surprised me with last night that she made in her quiet time before bed
 We bought our first seeds today. I am feeling a little unsure about the garden and growing this year as it will be my first time doing it alone, so we'll keep it simple. Wild flower beds, a nibble garden for the kids, flowers (that are already there) a few things in the greenhouse that my friend said she'd help me with and also some play areas like the building site, the mud kitchen and a den. Benny was holding the seeds in the car on the way home from the shop and the wee minx ate half of the nasturtium seeds before we got home!!

I hope that you have a good weekend and remember do something nice just for yourself. You deserve it :-)


  1. this is lovely and very much where I am and what i needed to read ... I'm breathing out with you too mama x

  2. I'm breathing with you... Beautiful rainbow and lovely creations.

    1. thanks Sarah, you should have seen all 3 of them it was amazing, never seen anything like it. There was one shooting right up vertically out of the one in the picture and a second full one off to the left. so beautiful!

  3. This is wonderful, my dear. Breathing out with you.

  4. Yes. Breathing with you too. And sending hugs from across the ocean.
    xoxo Taisa

    1. thanks Taisa, hugs gratefully received x

  5. Seems there are a few of us needing to breathe. Inspiring post, thankyou Laura x