some moments from the may bank holiday

the bank holiday was a good mix of at home time, visiting friends and wandering around the village

 Rebe is really keen to be in the kitchen, on her own, cooking and baking. She made these cookies all by herself (a love heart for me, a dogger for Joa and of course an armadillo for Benny). She also cooked breakfast for the boys a few times, eggs and porridge.

 I finished off another doll, this one is an exchange for some beautiful handmade soap from this shop. I can't wait to try it :-)

 there was some pleine eire painting

 Rebe has for some time been drawn to cursive handwriting and for the past few days I have been teaching her

 wild garlic- bread...yummy!

 lettuce in the green house ready to eat

 a game born out of boredom and inspired by Mrs Tiggywinkle

 and Dame Washalot (or Mr Washalot Benny prefers)

 some of us didn't quite get the game but enjoyed the getting wet

 2 cutlass mum the pirate chief, by Benny

lots of eggs by Joa

With all the business I was wiped out on Monday so took it easy, the kids stayed in pj''s all day, they watched some movies and I relaxed and read.

Hope you had a good bank holiday too :-)

holding space

Oh what fun I have had making this little family of dolls.

On Tuesday, when the post office opens again after the bank holiday the dark haired doll will be on her way to Shetland and the other two will be setting off for Tasmania. The dolls were commissioned from me by a long time reader of this blog. The 2 sister dolls are for her children. I worked from pictures from her own blog to help me capture the essence, likes and spirit of the girls. The dark haired doll is a gift for her mother, made in the image of 'mam' as a little girl.

I had so much fun working from vintage pictures, trying to match the look and feel of the doll to the era in which 'mam' grew up. 

 Her forest green wool coat, was a delightful challenge and I hope 'mam' will recognize her own, childhood coat in it.

This evening I finished knitting for another little boy doll who has been on my list and now I have 4 more dolls ahead of me that I have promised to make.
I stopped taking orders in October last year and this evening I counted how many dolls I made. There were 40 on the list, not counting the 2 doll house families and others that I made for sale in the shop and for gifts. That is a lot of dolls, and a lot of hours crafting.
Because of my family situation, and because of the fact that I need to give my complete attention to doll making when I am doing so, I only work in the evenings when the children are in bed. This means that for nearly a whole year, apart from a few evenings off for tiredness or illness I have worked on Waldorf dolls, every evening for nearly a year.
As I mentioned I stopped taking orders in October, I wasn't sure why, but as I was working through the list I  didn't have an inclination to take on any more. For the last month or so I have felt more and more strongly that I am going to stop. Perhaps for just a while, perhaps for longer, perhaps I will only make dolls for exchange or gift in the future. I don't know, but I do know that I need to hold some space for myself.
I'm excited by the prospect of having my evenings free for myself. There are lots of things I want to make and do for myself. I have yarn to knit myself some sweaters and leg warmers, I have fabric to sew skirts with. I have yoga I would like to do, books to read and films to watch. I have a garden calling to me to spend time in and perhaps a few dinner parties to give.
So, I am taking a break, holding space and enjoying the last few dolls on my list.
I thank everyone for their support and encouragement in my doll making venture and who knows what will come of the space I am holding (I may even just start doll making again lol).

today

morning sunlight

duck eggs for breakfast

playing in the garden after lunch

tin whistle practice

quiche: wild garlic, spinach, feta, cherry tomatoes, yum

custom doll finished

a walk in the woods

it was a beautiful spring day, the boys and I decided to take a stroll in the woods after working in the garden.

 the scent of wild garlic was everywhere

 bluebells about to burst into colour

 we made bubbles in the woods

 and I collected some of the wild garlic with a thought to quiche or pesto

 we greeted our neighbours

 and explored some nooks and crannies

 found that a second shop had opened along the path

it was lovely, how lucky we are to have these woods on our door step to pop in and out of as we please.

sisterhood and breath

Wow, I had such powerful and moving weekend. I still don't quite know how to process it all, but I will try my best to share some of it here with you, and keep the memory alive of it for myself too.

On Friday evening I went to a wonderful women's full moon circle gathering. It was hosted and facilitated by the wonderful Beth Wallace. She blogs here and her facebook page is here.

We began the evening with a gorgeous meal, a feast for all the senses. There were four of us sharing the evening and we chatted a little over the meal about ourselves and where we are at. We talked a little about what had brought us there.

 For me I had gone to the evening full of gratitude. 

Gratitude for the place in which I find myself now and gratitude to the women who have supported and carried me through recent turbulent, difficult times. 

 Beth told us that she had invited some people to put their names forward, through her fb page, who wanted to be thought of during the fire event we were having later in the evening. Her intention was to write those names on pieces of paper and offer them into the fire as she wished for them what they wished for themselves.

 I thought this was a wonderful way to honor those women who have supported me and so I got some paper and a pen and wrote the names of those special, important women. 

Following the meal we smudged each other with sage before entering what Beth calls her temple. There we sat, eating pineapple and raw chocolate and we shared some more of where we were at.

 As I was talking about the support I had received and the gratitude I felt, I suddenly saw just who these women are.

 They are my sisters.

 I am one of four children, three of whom are boys. So I have never had a sister, I have never felt like I missed one. But this is what I felt, so strong and from the heart. 

These women are my soul sisters, who love me unconditionally, who wipe my tears and offer help, who listen to my rantings and ravings and who see me even when I don't see myself. 

Oh the joy and the truth of that realisation was so powerful it brought me to tears.

When we had all shared it felt like a good time to do some drumming. We took a drum each and after a while of sitting in deep silence a very slow, soft heart beat of drumming began. As the beat developed I felt a very strong urge to sing. I started to sing just what was in my heart.

'hey sister'

'hey mother'

'walk with me'

'sing with me'

'drum with me'

'laugh with me'

'dance with me'

'birth with me'

'hey sister'

'hey mother'

While I was singing another voice joined in, someone started dancing. The walls melted away and we were drumming and singing and dancing with every woman in the world. 

It was incredible, so beautiful, so moving.

Organically the music came to an end and when I opened my eyes I was so surprised to find we were still in the small room in west cork! We were all pretty speechless and awestruck. 

The time was right to go outside to the fire. We got on our warm things and walked out to the garden carrying little candle lanterns to light the way to where the fire was blazing. 

We stood around the fire for a little and then in the Beltane tradition I leaped over the fire. Then I knelt and by the candle light took my little stack of names. 

I sang each name in turn, from the heart and with deepest thanks before offering them to the fire. It was beautiful.

After the others had done what was important to them, we held hands around the fire and held each other letting the endless joy and wonder of the evening wash over us. 

We felt like we had really connected with each other and also with women (and men) all over the world and all over time. We felt part of something so big, so powerful, so strong.

One of the women had brought her ukulele with her and played us a very beautiful song she had written herself and then it was time to go in. To my complete surprise it was nearly 1am, a whole hour after I had told my babysitter I would be home (luckily she is very lovely and special and didn't mind at all).

The next morning I was still very tired, but I could barely talk. I was still so overwhelmed by the evening. I sat the kids in front of a dvd and I sat in the morning sunlight and painted, from the heart, trying to capture some of the essence of the experience.

 I painted being held by hands, by sisters, I painted the fire and energy of love,

 I painted women, holding each other's hands, strong, struggling, old, young, filled with fire, filled with fear.

 women holding hands, holding the world

 when I finished I pegged it outside in the wind, the wind that will blow my love to each of my sisters, all of my sisters, to you.

Friday night was a real out breath, I breathed out my love and gratitude, I sang out my love and gratitude.

Sunday was an in breath.

I was very lucky that on Sunday the chaplaincy of Cork University had invited some monastics from Plum Village who study under Thich Nhat Hanh to guide a day of mindfulness that was open to the public. Sunday is the day Andy has the kids, so after dropping them off I drove myself there and enjoyed a wonderful, very peaceful, very nourishing day. I learnt so much and it will really help to deepen my practice which I have been using for nearly a year now I think. It was a true breathing in.

I got home shattered and I am still very tired today, but wow what a weekend. Certainly one I will never forget!

knitted waldorf doll wig tutorial

ETA: this tutorial has been removed as I have decided to make it available as part of a full waldorf doll making tutorial available for sale in my etsy shop. To purchase this and other Under Rainbows Patterns please visit my shop: https://www.etsy.com/ie/people/UnderRainbows

counselling - my graduation

I asked Benny to take this picture of me on my graduation day with my candle and my speech

 My final session at counselling had such a feeling of celebration and graduation which both my counselor and I really felt. I lit my candle and told her the story about having made it and hearing the message.
She asked me to make a speech (if I wanted to) and I did. She transcribed it for me as I spoke. Here it is:

My time here has been a study of my life.

I learnt ways that I could look at my life and see the manner in which I was living it.

I could see the effects that other people's actions and emotions were having on the way I was living and the way I felt about myself.

I saw my strengths and the roles I had

I learnt to see my armor and my shields

I learnt to see where I carry my emotions, my fears, my pain

And I learnt how to stop living in the outer circles of my life

and how to feel my feet on the ground

and feel my heartbeat in my chest

and feel nothing else.

When I had learnt to just be

I learnt that when I looked around I was filled with happiness

and light

and hope

and space

I learnt how to live as that being instead of within a whirlwind of chaos and influences

I learnt how to just be

and I learnt that I make my own light. 

My counselor rolled it up for me and tore the ribbon from her diary to make it into a scroll, which I shall put next to the other certificates of merit I have earned.

I left the office light and happy and filled with love and joy for myself and the world...

and to celebrate the kids and I had cake :-)