Monday, May 16, 2011

the frustration of motherhood

Dear friends

I have left this space a little blank for the past few days and I wanted to share with you why this was.

Firstly, I have had a bit of a head cold which has made life a little fuddled and dulled. It's not really stopped me from doing things but it has made them a little more difficult.

The main reason is that I am quite simply doing too much. This, for me, is the frustration of motherhood. Having children has been such an inspiration for me. I find my imagination sparked, I have a million ideas for a million things. My 'to do' list is crazily long and involved...

I want to...
...make special outfits for myself and the kids for an event in August
...make some more dolls
...make Rebe some hair bands
...finish Joa's sweater
...make buttons out of twigs for this sweater
...help Andy make the play kitchen for the boy's birthdays
...make a load of felt play food for the kitchen
...make Joa a birthday book
...go to the fairy woods
...meet up with so many of our friends
...have another bake along
...do some writing for Juno magazine (there are 3 things I want to write for them)
...write a waldorf baby doll tutorial and host a craft along on my blog
...I want to get fit again and start running again
...quilt a special poorly blanket

and of course I want to blog about all of this...


I have all of this whirling in my head all of the time. I have to really pull myself back to ground and focus on the everyday things. Because my head gets swimming with all of these ideas I get so caught up in it all and I forget to just live in the now and I also forget to live with the people I am with (namely Andy). Poor Andy told me last week that he is feeling pretty left out and neglected. That what little time and energy I have left after day of mothering is not coming his way. This really hit home and I realise how right he is and I realised that somethings need to give a little. At least until I am getting some more sleep and I can achieve my daily tasks without having to carry a baby around while doing so.

So, I have to make cut backs. I am not going to think about the above list. There are a couple of things that I will do, like the things for the birthdays. But I am trying to 'keep it real' and not get carried away. I am also not going to make any more dolls for my etsy shop for while until I am in a better place. I am going to be better letting friends down who want to meet up. I am going to stop baking my own bread for a while. I am not going to get up and try and go running before the kids wake and I am not going to try and post here unless there is something I really want to share.
Believe me, dear friends I so want to do all of the thingsin my list above. I am so frustrated that I can't. I want to make and do and share, but I know that the time will come when I can do this and I need to be patient a little longer. I need to recoup, get well, get energised and be with the people who make this life beautiful for me.

Thank you for making this space so special for me, I'll be back again soon.
x

8 comments:

  1. It's hard isn't it. So many inspiring ideas - so little time - I so hear you. Be gentle with yourself, and things will begin to happen. Hope your cold goes soon - we have had the same and it is dragging on and on. xxx

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  2. Yes you have all the right ideas and you need to take care of you, the kids and Andy first.

    I completely understand what you mean about wanting to do so much, the children in your life inspire you and you want to do, do, do, do...................I read your post and feel like I am living a mirror of what you wrote! Must be a Momma thing! we will all be here for you whenever.

    Now go enjoy your little ones birthday, and your wedding and everyday that comes to you!

    Psssst, My Fionna turns 1 tomorrow, pretty amazing our baby's are exactly 1 year 1 month apart!

    Kimberly

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  3. I hear you, I really hear you. I know where you are at. I feel that too many times. You are incredible. And yes, you do need to be caring of yourself with your time and energy. Rein it in. And do nothing. My husband would agree totally with Andy I think... oops!
    Love to you xx

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  4. I will miss your postings!

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  5. Laura, I want to hug you. You have just voiced how I have been feeling since mid December.

    Your post is so transparent. My son, Jake, has infused me with a creative spark like no other time in my life. Of course we are not able to complete all that flows through our brains.

    Take care of you and your family and we bloggers will be right here waiting.

    Thanks for putting words to how I have felt.
    Elizabeth

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  6. I am so glad that you are taking a break and taking care of yourself!

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  7. Dear Laura,
    I also have many lists and things swimming in my head- many of them never get done. I have learned as well to do what I can, and that being present is far more important. Which will my children want more: another handmade something-or-other, or my attention?
    Anyhow, I have such a similar list. Excercising and getting back into shape is something that always falls behind. Actually, anything for ME falls behind. Sigh.

    Laura- I plan to mail you something this week! Keep your eye out for it, maybe next week it'll arrive.
    Love and hugs, dear friend~

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