I thought I'd stop by and give you a little update on what's been going on here.
So, I finally went to my GP to see what she thought might be going on with me. I have had a very hard time recently and have felt very down and emotional. After talking with her for a while we concluded that I am indeed depressed. She called it post-natal depression as it stills falls within that time frame. So she sent me off with some anti-depressants and an appointment to get my bloods done to check my thyroid and other things.
Since realising that there really has been something wrong with me I have spent much time thinking about how to handle it. I have spent a lot of time talking about it with my mum, Andy and my bestest friend (who just happens to be visiting at the moment).
This is what I think is wrong:
I have lost myself completely. The only identity I have at the moment is that of mama.
I feel completely spent, so much so that I feel everyone just wants a piece of me and there is so little of me I have nothing left to give and am resentful being asked to.
I am emotionally, physically and mentally exhausted
I feel fragmented and dislocated
I want to feel:
reconnected with my mind and body
that I am Laura, not just 'mummy'
This is how I am going to achieve this:
I am going to follow an Ayurvedic lifestyle (as best I can with small kids)
I am going to change my diet to suit my bodytype and to achieve the best health possible
I am going to start going to yoga classes again
I am going to vastly reduce the amount I am feeding Joa and cut out the night feeds
I am going to ask for help
I am taking St John's Wort and Sepia to get me through this patch
I am going to go out for some exercise everyday
I am also going to try to be aware of...
being present in the moment
tuning in with myself more often
the pressure that blogging places on me to live up to my ideal of mothering and home making and to not blog if I am feeling too pressured
to relax more about living up to my own ideals and just living.
So dear friends this is where I am at. I am feeling optimistic that I am going to feel better soon. I feel good that I know what is wrong and I know how to fix this. I know to take it easy and to rely on those around me.
I am recording this here because it is part of motherhood and in fact this period of depression has been caused by motherhood for me. I know that in a few months I can look back on this page and see how I have grown and changed and am better and stronger.
I am not ashamed of feeling bad and it is not something I want to hide away from people.
I will keep you all updated with how I am getting on, and I thank you all for your support and emails and phone calls.
All my love x x x x