It's been a year

Today the kids and I went to Manch to attend a basket making course. I went last year, one of the highlights of my year, and made my much used and loved farmer's market basket. Karen, the tutor, was happy for me to bring the kids along and she even provided a babysitter in terms of her teenage daughter. It was a wonderful day, we were there for 7 hours and I had to drag the kids away from it. It is a place of fresh air, peace, excitement and adventure. Pure imagination fuel. I have pictures of today, but I really want to write about something else....

Karen brought craft things and crayons for the kids

they went pond dipping

shared picnic lunch

the classroom

cob oven

the air is so clean here everything is covered with lichen

entrance to the walled garden

apples ripening in the orchard

willow tunnel

hide in the apple orchard

pond

rebe made this sweet crown for one of the ladies there whose birthday it was

boat play

our finished creations: my basket, Benny decorated a ready made base, Rebe's 'fish' plate

It's been a year.

It's been a year since I told Andy I wanted to separate from him.

It's been a year since my dear friend Lucy drove a 4 hour round trip to come and get us and take us to her house.

It's been a year since I got a phone call, late at night, from the police.

It's been a year since I started using the mantra 'Just breathe' to get through each moment.

It's been a year since I had to find a way to tell the kids that 'Daddy's feelings have gotten all muddled, they are so muddled that he's not okay anymore'.

It's been a year since my mum got on the first flight she could to come and be with me when I got home.

It's been a year since I have started really listening to my inner voice. Since I have learnt to trust my intuition and deeply know that 'the Universe has my back'.

In this year I have learnt to be a single parent.

I have done every bedtime, every school run, every breakfast.

I have made all decisions about my life alone.

I have learnt how to ask for support when and where I needed it.

I have had so much help, from friends and family, from my wonderful counselor. I have been supported by my neighbours and people I don't even really know. 

I have received the biggest gifts of my life this year and I have learnt so much. 

Learning to know myself, learning to meditate, learning to listen to my inner source and to believe in myself.

I have found my way back to my true self. She who is strong. She who is vulnerable. She who is calm. She who can make choices. She who is vegetarian. She who can have fun. She who gets tired. She who holds no resentment or ill will for anyone. She who is a mother, and a friend, and a woman and a human all at the same time. She who is creative. She who is inventive. She who is sexy. She who is beautiful. She who can grow things in the garden. She who can nourish herself and her children. She who is healthy. She who is.

And life is good. Truly and deeply good. I am asking for what I truly want and I am receiving it. What is meant for me is finding me and it is such an exciting place and time to be alive. And that is how I truly feel. Alive.

I am thankful for this year. The pain I have learnt and grown from, the friendships and love that have carried and supported me. The path that is so brilliantly lit ahead of me.

I know this next while is going to be equally as full of challenges and joys. But I welcome it with an open mind and an open heart.

It's been a year and what a year it has been.