"Here is a doll for you, my love, " the mother whispered, and from the hairy coverlet she pulled a tiny doll which like Vasalisa herself was dressed in red boots, white apron black skirt and a vest embroidered all over with coloured thread.
"Here are my last words, Beloved", said the mother. "Should you lose your way or be in need of help, ask this doll what to do. You will be assisted. Keep the doll with you always. Do not tell anyone about her, Feed her when she is hungry. This is my mother's promise to you, my blessing on you, dear daughter."
(an extract from Women Who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes)
I have cried many tears of joy and pain and relief
I have learnt so much.
I have found ways to cope.
I have built an incredible tool box of techniques to cope with difficult and stressful situations.
I have learnt what I need to do to thrive: to fly and soar far above just mere surviving.
Throughout this whole time my counselor has been the most gentle, touching and intuitive guide I could ever have hoped for. She has truly been my gift from the universe, the exact support and teacher that I needed just at this time.
My journey with her has led me back to a place, close to my source, a place that feels so right and good, a place I forgot how to be in when I was asleep all those years.
And now I am back, I am wide awake and I am feeling so many changes.
I am very at peace, even in moments of crazy, single-mum stress.
I feel very free and easy.
I have freedom to choose who I am and what I do.
I am no longer smothered by 'being mother'. I love being the mother of my kids, and sometimes mother to myself, but it is a face of the prism and the light is free to shine bright and strong through other parts of myself now too.
I have become vegetarian again, something which has taken me quite by surprise, not a conscious choice, but one made by my body, by my soul.
And now, I am in a place to move on. I am ready to stop visiting with this wonderful, guide, this angel.
I know I am strong enough to face whatever life throws at me and I know that I can seek out the glory and the love in everyone and everything. I have a tool box to build on and faith in the feet that appear on the right path in front of me.
To celebrate my last session I asked my counselor if I could make her a gift. I made the Vasalisa doll from the story. A tiny symbol of my respect and deepest, deepest thanks for who she is and what she has done for me.
She had asked me what else I would like to do to mark the occasion and I decided I would like to light a candle for myself in that space, a candle I can then take home and carry with me as a reminder of this time of great learning and of finding myself again.
I looked for something suitable for a week or so before it occurred to me that I had sheets of beeswax left over from Christmas crafting. So I rolled myself this one. While I did this thought occurred to me, as clearly as if a voice had said it...
You make your own light
How true and what a lovely way to think of this light, my light and my place in the world.
Thanks for letting me share :-)